The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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