We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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