There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
