I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
