Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
