if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
