I am puke
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
