I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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