My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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