Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
