I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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