you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
