smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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