you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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