I heard we made out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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