then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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