the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
