She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
