Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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