Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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