so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
