How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
