Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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