is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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