after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
