God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
