went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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