i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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