i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
