And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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