He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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