i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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