Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
