I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
