i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
