I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst night to have a conscience
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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