She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
