they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
