I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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