you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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