So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
