Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
