omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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