No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
