can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
