I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
