So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
