so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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