we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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