Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
