I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
