I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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