Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
