Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
