I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
