I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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