you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we should paint friendship bongs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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