I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
