did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
